Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
