I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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