I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
