did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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