break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
