Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
