arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
