He asked me if I "almost moaned"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
