I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is not my ceiling
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
