**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
