my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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