I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
