i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
