I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
