I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
