It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
COCAINE IS GR8
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
