I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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