k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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