like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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