Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize