I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I sprained my soul last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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