the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
