My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
