My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
