Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
