happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
