my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
