Screwed.edu
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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