No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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