When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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