The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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