woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
