I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
