does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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