When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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