She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
