I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
