I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
