dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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