I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
