Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The best revenge is premature balding
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
