1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
