dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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