i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
