if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am never drinking with the goths again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
