My room smells like vodka and shame
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
