you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
