So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
