I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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