I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
