I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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