if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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