You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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