I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize