Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
