new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
