Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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