I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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