you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
