I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
