Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
