Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
