Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
