thus making me awesome and them whores
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
