Fuck appropriateness.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk is not a location!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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