Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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