This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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