ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
