You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
